Half or quarter the bitter gourd lengthwise. Deseed and thinly slice them. Young bitter gourds are less bitter than the mature ones. You can soak them in salted water for about 10 minutes after you slice them to reduce the bitterness. I usually skip this step.
Heat coconut oil and add the sliced okra, green chili, and salt. Stir fry until they are crispy.
Add all the coconut mixture ingredients to a blender.
This is the kind of silken tofu I usually use. Since it's shelf-stable it's convenient to keep a few in the pantry.
Blend to a smooth paste.
Add the coconut tofu paste to a pan and cook for a minute or two. Turn off the heat now.
Mix in the fried bitter gourd into the coconut tofu paste.
Heat coconut oil in a pan, when it's hot add mustard seeds, whole red chili, and curry leaves. When you put the curry leaves in be prepared for a lot of spluttering. You can put a lid on right afterward for a few seconds to prevent all the mustard seeds from popping out and to protect yourself from splattering oil.
Pour tempered oil over the bitter gourd mixture and mix it in.
Enjoy with rice!